ࡱ> b jbjb =jhh< 8t^ P^ttt;P=P=P=P=P=P=P,RRUiP-iPtt4P<tt;Pp;P=R/'P $ KGn'PP0PKnUU'P    GOD'S PLAN FOR MOST HOMES In thinking about building one's home, the first logical step is to consider that first earthly home, and see what principles can be derived from a study of it: A. God's Statement Concerning Man: Read Genesis 2:18a, b 1. After God had created man as a perfect human being (Genesis 2:7), had placed him in a perfect environment (Genesis 2:8-14), and had given him a perfect occupation (Genesis 2:15-17), what did He say of man? Genesis 2:18b 2. If this was true in Eden, would it be true today as well? More true, or less true? B. God's Remedy Planned: Read Genesis 2:18c-20 1. What did God say He was going to make for man? Genesis 2:18c (one word) 2. What special qualification must this one have? Genesis 2:18c (three words) 3. What two kinds of creatures did God then form? Genesis 2:19a, b 4. What did Adam do for all these? Genesis 2:19c-20d 5. But what was still true? Genesis 2:20e C. God's Remedy Carried Out: Read Genesis 2:21, 22 1. What three things did God then do? Genesis 2:21a, 22c a. 21a, b b. 21c, d c. 22a-c NOTE: Modern medical science has found evidence of the truth of this last act: Man has one less rib than woman has. NOTE: It has been said that woman was made, not from man's head to surpass him, nor from his feet to be trampled on, but from his side to be equal to him, from under his arm to be protected, and from near his heart to be loved. 2. Since this woman was made from Adam's rib, would she be especially suited to him? 3. After God had made the helper for Adam, did he put her on one side of the world, and Adam on the other, and leave them to search for each other? What did He do instead? Genesis 2:22d D. Man's Response to God's Provision: Read Genesis 2:23 1. Did Adam seem pleased with the helper God had made for him Genesis 2:23a, b NOTE: The Hebrew here is very emphatic. It implies, "This now at last" 2. What did Adam say she should be called, and why? Genesis 2:23c NOTE: The Hebrew word for woman is Isha, while that for man is Ish. Compare this to lioness as the feminine form of lion. E. God's Command Concerning Married Couples: Read Genesis 2:24 1. What two things did God say that the man should therefore do? Genesis 2:24 a, b a. b. 2. What would then be the result? Genesis 2:24c 3. What does Genesis 2:24c indicate is the essence or the intrinsic nature of marriage? (One word will do.) 4. What would it require on Adam's part to accept this woman as his wife? (THINK!) F. The Couple's Response to Each Other: Read Genesis 2:25 1. What was true of both the man and his wife? Genesis 2:25a, b 2. Yet how did they feel in each other's presence? Genesis 2:25c G. Summary of God's Work in Making Mankind: Read Genesis 1:26-31 1. Who made mankind male and female? Who told them to reproduce? Genesis 1:27, 28 2. Would this include having sex relations with each other? 3. Therefore, could there be anything evil or dirty about sex within marriage? (See Hebrews 13:4 ) 4. What did God say after He had completed the work of making mankind? Genesis 1:31a, b QUESTIONS FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT: 1. Who planned the first marriage? Genesis 2:18.22. Therefore, who is the best authority on marriage? Where is His advice written down for us to read? 2. Is it still true today that it is not good for man to be alone? Does God still today make one woman especially suited to be a helper to one particular man? Does He still today lead the right woman to the right man? How soon? Therefore, what should be my attitude as I contemplate marriage? tHE POSSSIBLE EXCEPTION Although marriage is a vital part of Gods plan for nearly everyone, there are exceptions. Study about these in the following passages from Gods Word: A. God's Message to Jeremiah: Read Jeremiah 16:1-4 1. What two things did God tell Jeremiah he must do? Jeremiah 16:1, 2 2. What did he say would happen to the people of Jeremiah's country? Jeremiah 16:3, 4 3. Would you want to have children if you knew that they would have to endure such a fate as this? 4. Would you feel the need for a wife if you were facing times such as these? B. Paul's Message to the Corinthians: Read 1 Corinthians 7:1-10, 25-40 1. What did Paul say would be a good policy for a man? 1 Corinthians 7:1b 2 But why did he say every man should have his own wife, and every woman her own husband? 1 Corinthians 7:2 3. What did he think would be good for the unmarried and widows to do? 1 Corinthians 7:8 4. But under what conditions should these marry? 1 Corinthians 7:9 5. What was one factor in Paul's giving the advice he gave? 1 Corinthians 7:26a 6. What two things did he want to spare them from having? 1 Corinthians 7:28b, 32a 7. What would the unmarried be able to do, that the married could not, because of family responsibilities? 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 8. What particular desire would distract the married from this? 1 Corinthians 7:33, 34d, e 9. What three factors might indicate that God's time for marriage had arrived? 1 Corinthians 7:36 a. b. c. 10. Did Paul think it was a sin to marry? 1 Corinthians 7:36b, 28 11. But who did he think would be happier, the married, or the unmarried? 1 Corinthians 7:38, 40 C. The Triton Paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 7: Read and think about the following: "I will not lay down a rule, because no rule is possible, but these factors ought to be borne in mind. "The opportunity for Christian work and witness is in any case short and limited. We must live as loose to the worldand our families as we possibly can. All these things are merely temporary and there is work of eternal value to do. But married people cannot shirk their home responsibilities and these are much more limiting than the unmarried often realize. If you are married, you have important duties at home which you must discharge and you cannot concentrate without distraction on the Lord's service. "These are powerful reasons for avoiding marriage, at least while you are young. Consider the privilege of Christian service which is open in special degree for the unmarried. If you would only postpone marriage there are tremendous spheres of service open to you and for some there will be the high calling of a permanently unmarried life. "Now please realize that I do not say this at all in order to curtail your liberty but only to help you towards the best, and if circumstances or temperament lead you in another direction, there is nothing wrong in getting married. It is a good gift of God. But the man or woman who sets himself to be unmarried for the sake of Christian service and who can do so without wavering will be even more highly privileged. Marriage is a good thing, but if celibacy is equally possible for you, then (and only then) celibacy is better. "To be married is His gift to some and to be unmarried is His gift to others. Both, therefore, should be received with thankfulness as His all-wise provision. Don't try to be what God did not intend. Nevertheless, there are some good practical reasonswhy I, Paul, could wish that every Christian had the gift that God has given me--that of being contentedly and happily single." QUESTIONS FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT: 1. Did it prove to be best that Jeremiah not marry and have children? Did Paul's life bear out his contention that the unmarried could serve the Lord without distraction better than the married could? 2. What would be legitimate reasons for not marrying or postponing marriage today? Could I serve God better married or single? When could I be sure that it is not God's plan for me ever to marry? MODELS OF MARRIAGE We have seen that in the first marriage, God made a woman especially suited to the needs of the first man, brought her to him, and commanded them to become one flesh. Discover now how this unity which was expected of them was illustrated for them in a model, after which they could pattern their marriage: A. The Biblical Model for Christian Marriage: Read Genesis 1:26, 27 1. In whose image and likeness was mankind made? Genesis 1:26 2. Do you think this means man was made in the physical likeness of God? 3. Prove your answer above, from John 4:24: 4. What do the pronouns "us" and "our" indicate about the number of persons included in the term "God"? 5. And yet, what is the essence or nature of God? Deuteronomy 6:4 NOTE: The word translated "one" is the word used to denote one thing composed of several parts, rather the one denoting one thing all of one part; as, one watch (made of several parts), or one family (composed of several members). 6. Therefore, how do the three persons in the Godhead always act? 1 John 5:7 7. How did they evidently arrive at the decision to make man? (See Genesis 1:26 and THINK!) 8. As what did they decide they would make man? Genesis 1:27c 9. How do you think they expected the man and his wife to act, if they were to portray that they were made in the image of God? (THINK! How do the persons of the Godhead always act?) 10.What did Jesus say about His relationship with the Father? John 10:30 11.Did He have to lose His own identity to be one with the Father? (THINK!) 12.Does this explain the way a husband and wife could and should be one? 13.What did Jesus pray might be true of His followers, who were to make up the church? John 17:11e, f, 20, 21 14.Could this be true of the church, if it were not true of the husbands and wives who make up the church? Why? 15. How is the individual man or woman transformed into the image of God? 2 Corinthians 3:18 16. As this becomes true in each man and woman, what can the home become a model of? (THINK!) 17.What effect would such a relationship between parents have on the children? 18.Would it help or hinder them in forming a proper relationship with God? 19. What happens to the children when there is not a loving unity between their parents? 20.Could such children have a proper foundation on which to build their lives? B. The American Model of Marriage: 1. What two sources give Americans most of their ideas about marriage? 2. Does the average TV program, soap opera, or movie show marriage as a relationship: a. that is a source of deep personal expression? b. that grows constantly more intimate? c. that leads constantly to more and more satisfaction to both parties? d. in which the husband and wife are lovingly united? e. in which the husband and wife always act as one? f. in which each depends on the physical and psychological presence of the other? 3. What is the attitude of the average TV program or movie toward extra-marital sex? 4. If a man and his wife are truly one, would either ever find this necessary? QUESTIONS FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT: 1. What would be the advantages of patterning my marriage after the Biblical model? The average American model? Should marriage be a picture of heaven on earth? (See Deuteronomy 11:21) 2. Which model has influenced my opinions about marriage? COURTSHIP AND CHOICE OF PARTNER A beautiful example of courtship and choice of partner occurs in Genesis 24. Study this passage to discover principles which could guide you in your own search for a partner: A. Abraham's Plans for Isaac: Read Genesis 24:1-9 1. Who did Abraham want to make sure that his son Isaac did not marry? Genesis 23:1-3 2. Why? What kind of people were the Canaanites? (See Genesis 9:18, 22, 10:15-19, 15:13-21, especially 16b) 3. Would this kind of girl make a suitable mate for the second in God's special nation, through whom He was going to bring a Savior into the world? 4. Where did Abraham believe a suitable mate could be found? Genesis 24:4 5. Who did he call to arrange this? Genesis 24:2 6. Why did he not send Isaac himself on this errand? (THINK!) 7. What did the servant fear might happen? Genesis 24:5 8. Was Abraham sure God wanted Isaac to be married? (See Genesis 17:19, 21) 9. Therefore, to Whom did he look to overcome the difficulty the servant foresaw? Genesis 24:7, 8 B. The Servant's Search for a Wife for Isaac: Read Genesis 24:10-61 1. On a map, determine about how far the servant had to travel: Genesis 24:10 2. When he arrived there, what was his first step in locating the right girl? Genesis 24:12 3. What was his one concern in choosing a wife for Isaac? Genesis 24:14b 4. What sign did he ask God to give him, whereby he might know which was the one whom God had chosen for Isaac? Genesis 24:14a 5. How soon did the Lord begin to answer his prayer? Genesis 24:15a 6. Why did he believe that the first girl he met was the one God had chosen? a. Genesis 24:15-21 b. Genesis 24:22-24, 27b What did the servant do as soon as he had discovered these facts? Genesis 24:26, 27a How did he feel that he had been able to find the right household? Genesis 24:27b 9. When the servant told the girl's family what had happened (verses 34-49), what did they realize? Genesis 24:50 10. Therefore, what did they say the servant might do? Genesis 24:51 11.What did the servant again do when he heard this? Genesis 24:52 12.When they asked Rebekah if she would go with the servant, what did she say? Genesis 24:57, 58 C. Isaac's Reaction to the Servant's Choice: Read Genesis 24:62-67 1. What was Isaac doing as Rebekah and the servant approached his home? Genesis 24:63 2. When Rebekah saw Isaac, notice two things she did: Genesis 24:64b, 65b 3. After the servant had told Isaac all that had happened, what two things did Isaac do? Genesis 24:67a, b 4. What two things happened as a result of his actions? Genesis 24:67c, d QUESTIONS FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT; 1. Who guided Isaac's father and his servant in choosing a mate for him? (See Genesis 24:7) 2. Could God guide me in choosing my own mate? Does He have one whom He has appointed for me? How could I go about finding this one (See Proverbs 3:5, 6) THE BARRIER TO ONENESS Through a study of the marriages of Adam and Eve and Isaac and Rebekah, and through a study of the unity present in the Godhead, we have a fairly good idea of the goal toward which we should strive in building our home, unless God should definitely lead us to stay single, as He did in the cases of Jeremiah, Paul and probably Daniel, Elijah, Elisha and Barnabas. But there is one great barrier to this desired oneness. Study about this barrier and its remedy below: A. Example of the Barrier: 1. Does just getting married insure that the two persons involved will live happily ever after? 2. Although Eve had been made especially for Adam, and God had put them together and made them one, did all go well in their lives? Read Genesis 3:1-24 3. What had God told them they must not do? Genesis 2:17 4. But what did they do? Genesis 3:6 5. As a result, how did they feel about God? Genesis 3:10 6. What did they do? Genesis 3:8 7. What had happened to them? Genesis 2:17c; Ephesians 2:1b 8. What two things were they then separated from? Genesis 3:22-24 9. As a result, what then happened in their family? Genesis 4:8 10. What heart attitude was revealed by Cain's action? (See Luke 18:9, and THINK!) 11.Although Cain evidently thought the above, what was actually the case? 1 John 3:12 12.What truth does this reveal about Cain's heart? Jeremiah 17:9 13.What did Jesus say people often do? Matthew 7:3, 4 14.What did He say they should do instead? Matthew 7:5 15. How many human beings have followed in the way of Adam and Eve, and Cain? Isaiah 53:6a 16.Whose way have we chosen? Isaiah 53:6b 17.What does the Bible call this action? Isaiah 53:6c; Romans 3:23 18. Can two people be one, if each is going his own way? 19.Whose way should they be seeking instead? Isaiah 55:8, 9 B. Removal of the Barrier: 1. In order for two to become one, what must each learn to do? Philippians 2:4 2. Who is the prime example of one who did this? Philippians 2:5 3. What was the supreme illustration of His doing this? Philippians 2:6-8 4. What must we do, if we would follow His example? John 12:24 5. What is one of the things His death made it possible for us to do? 2 Corinthians 5:15 6. What has He done to make it possible for us to have our unity with God restored? Ephesians 2:1, 4-6 7. What has He made it possible for those who once were far off from each other to become? Ephesians 2:13,14; Philippians 2:2b-e 8. Then how will each no longer do things? Philippians 2:3a 9. How will each now view the other? Philippians 2:3b QUESTIONS FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT: (Note what will then have happened to each: Romans 10:2b) 1. By whose way do I live? About whose things am I primarily concerned? As I am right now, am I one with God? Would it be possible for me to become one with another? 2. Have I accepted God's initial provision of Christ's death on the cross for me as the means of breaking down the barriers between me and God, and between me and others? Do I daily, through the Holy Spirit, put to death the doings of my body, so that I may live in harmony with God and with others? (See Romans 8:13, Ephesians 4:2, 3) tHE FUNCTION OF EARLY FAMILY LIFE, CHURCH LIFE, SCHOOLING AND JOBS IN PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE Through our previous lesson, we learned that the greatest, if not the only, barrier to oneness in marriage is sin: wanting one's own way, and being concerned about one's own things, rather than also being concerned for the things of others. Study now the function that early family life, church life, schooling and jobs can have in eliminating selfish attitudes and actions, and thus preparing one for the time if it is God's plan for him, when he will be married: A. The Need for Development: When a child is born, is he prepared for marriage Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? Socially? Spiritually? 2. When does one's preparation for marriage begin? 3. What should happen during his first twelve or so years? Luke 2:40, 42 B. The Means of Development: 1. To whom has God delegated the responsibility for overseeing this process? Ephesians 6:4 2. Who is his main helper in this undertaking? Proverbs 1:8 3. On what organizations do parents usually call for help in accomplishing their God-given task? (Name at least two) 4. What is the chief means these leaders have of directing the child's growth? Proverbs 22:6 (One word) C. The Goal of Development: 1. What is usually the goal of non-Christian parents for their children? (THINK!) 2. In contrast, what is the goal God wants to see progress through the parents' training of the child? (See Romans 8:29) D. The Process of Development: 1. When you train an animal or a vine, do you let it have its own way? 2. When do you consider that it is trained? 3. On what must all training be based? (See Exodus 19:3-6, 20:1-3, and THINK!) 4. What is the first step in this training process? Proverbs 1:8a 5. How must instruction be given? Isaiah 28:10 6. Is it enough for the child to know what he ought to do? John 13:17 7. If the child does not do as he has been instructed, what should his trainer do? 1 Corinthians 4:14; 1 Thessalonians 5:14b 8. If the child still insists on having his own way, what is it often necessary for the trainer to do? Hebrews 12:7 9. What should be the purpose of this procedure? Hebrews 12:9a; Proverbs 22:15 E. The Results of Development: Read Hebrews 12:1-11 1. What should be the response of the one being trained to his trainer? Hebrews 12:9b, c a. b. 2. Is training, which includes chastening, an enjoyable process for the one being trained? Hebrews 12:11a, b 3. However, if the one being trained learns to respond correctly, what will he afterwards be able to do? Hebrews 12:11c (Part of one word) 4. If the child learns to respond correctly to his father, mother, and teachers in his school and in the various departments of his church, to what other authorities, to whom he must later be subject, will this train him to respond correctly? (Name at least three) 5. Will proper responses to his parents, teachers, and other authorities, and to other members of his family and of his various classes, clubs, etc., help him to respond properly to his mate after marriage? Explain your answer. 6. What was Jesus' relationship to His earthly parents? Luke 2:51 7. How did He learn to respond in this way? Hebrews 5:8 8. What happened as a result of His learning proper responses? Luke 2:52 QUESTIONS FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT: 1. Has the goal of my parents' training of me been accomplished yet? How nearly have I been conformed to the image of Christ? Can I help in furthering this process? How? (See 2 Corinthians 3:18) 2. Judging by the way I respond to my parents, siblings, classmates, fellow club members, etc., would I make a good marriage partner right now? Would anyone want to live with me, if I respond to them this way? THE FUNCTION OF FRIENDSHIPS AND DATING IN PREPARATION OF MARRIAGE In our culture, as one enters adolescence, he/she usually broadens his/her circle of friends to include some of the opposite sex; and as time progresses, he/she begins to date some of them. See now what function friendship and dating perform in preparing him/her for marriage: A. The Function of Acquaintance: 1. Who guides in our becoming acquainted with people through the routine contacts of daily life? 2. Is there a definite purpose in our meeting each of these people? 3. For whose benefit is each meeting arranged? 4. How is the purpose of acquaintance accomplished? 5. What type of things could you feel free to discuss with acquaintances? B. The Function of Casual Friendship: 1. As we come into repeated contact with people through activities and concerns in which we have a common interest, such as school, church, clubs recreational activities, etc., we develop from among our acquaintances a set of casual friends. How are such friendships made? Proverbs 18:24 2. What types of things would you feel free to discuss with casual friends? 3. As you share discussions on these subjects, what do you begin to learn about each other's personality? C. The Function of Close Friendship: 1. From among one's casual friends, close friends are selected. On what basis should this selection be made? What should they have in common with us? 2. Is it wise for a Christian to select non-Christians for his close friends? Amos 3:3; 1 Corinthians 15:33 ASV, 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (Also, remember Jehoshaphat: 2 Chronicles 1822.) 3. Do one's friends always like the same things he likes, or want to do the same things he wants to do? 4. Therefore, what must he often do to please them? 5. How could such adjustment be a help in preparing for marriage? 6. But if one's close friends are non-Christians, what will they be sure to suggest? 7. If a Christian gives in to such suggestions, what will be the results? 8. What type of things would you feel free to discuss with close friends? 9. How could each be a help to the other on this level of friendship? 10. What types of things could close friends do together? D. The Function of Intimate Friendship: 1. From among one's close friends, usually only a few are selected to become intimate friends. On what basis will these probably be selected? 2. Should one's intimate friends all be about his own age? Be able to tell why. 3. What responsibility would you feel for your intimate friends, that you would not feel even for your close friends? 4. What types of things would you feel free to discuss with your intimate friends? E. The Function of Dating: 1. From which of the above groups should your dates be selected? 2. Why? Be able to defend your answer from scripture. 3. What function does dating serve in preparation for marriage? 4. In cultures which do not practice dating, how is this function served? Be able to discuss in class. QUESTIONS FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT: 1. Who are my intimate friends? Close friends? Casual friends? Have I been the kind of friend I should be to each of them? Have I allowed them to help me as they should? 2. Judging by the effectiveness and success of my friendships, would I make an effective and successful marriage partner? Could I improve? How? RULE #1 FOR SUCCESSFUL DATING In order for two to become totally one after marriage, certain precautions must be observed before marriage--throughout their dating experience. Study now the first rule which must be observed if two are to gain genuine intimacy. A. God's Order for Achieving Oneness: 1. Of what three parts is one's personality composed? 1 Thessalonians 5:23b 2. In how many of these must a couple be united in order to have total personality contact? (THINK!) 3. On which of these three parts do young people usually put the emphasis during their dating? 4. Yet, according to 1 Thessalonians 5:23, what seems to be God's order for this oneness to be achieved? 5. Is it possible for two bodies to become one without the souls and spirits of the persons involved becoming one? 6. Who would try to get young people to follow this procedure? 7. Could this explain why so many marriages that seemed to start well end in divorce? B. Degree of Oneness to Be Achieved through Dating: 1. If 1 Thessalonians 5:23 lists the order in which oneness should be achieved, what type of oneness should be achieved first, through dating? 2. Is it possible for a non-Christian to achieve true oneness of spirit with one who is a Christian? Is the reverse possible? (See Amos 3:3) Why? 3. Is it possible for one who is not a Christian to achieve true oneness of spirit with anyone? Why? 4. How is spiritual oneness developed? How can a fellow and a girl come closer to each other spiritually? 5. What happens to spiritual development when a couple becomes involved physically during dating? Does God approve of their actions? 6. How will they feel about their actions? 7. How will this affect their relationship to each other? C. The First Rule for Successful Dating: 1. From the discussion above, what would you say must be Rule #1 for achieving true oneness of spirit, and therefore Rule #1 for successful dating? 2. Write this rule above to complete title line. (Rule #1 For Successful Dating). D. Results When This Rule is Violated: Read 1 Kings 11:1-11 1. Who did King Solomon love? 1 Kings 11:1 2. What had God commanded concerning the people of these nations? 1 Kings 11:2a-c 3. What had God said would happen if one violated this command? 1 Kings 11:2d 4. What happened to Solomon when he was old? 1 Kings 11:4 5. How did God evaluate what Solomon had done? 1 Kings 11:6 6. How did He feel toward Solomon as a result? 1 Kings 11:9 7. Therefore, what did God say He was going to do? 1 Kings 11:11 8. What did later spiritual leaders of Israel call Solomons action? Nehemiah 13:26 9. If Solomon, with all his advantages, could not make a success of marriage with mates who were not true believers in God, could anyone? QUESTIONS FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT: 1. Did God actually mean it when, through Paul, He told Christians not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers? Does this mean that Christians should not date the unsaved? Ever? (See 2 Corinthians 6:14, 15, 17, 18 2. Will I accept Gods command, and obey it? Or will I insist on trying to be the first ever to make a complete success of dating and marrying an unbeliever? RULE #2 FOR SUCCESSFUL DATING Once you have settled in your mind that there is no basis in scripture for missionary dating; (dating the unsaved with the thought I can bring them to Christ), and have determined in your heart that you will date only those who are genuinely born again, you are ready to discover a second rule for successful dating: A. Purpose in Life: 1. What was Jesus purpose in life? John 4:34 a. b. 2. To what extent was He willing to suffer, in order to accomplish this goal? Hebrews 12:2 3. Was this purpose accomplished? John 8:29c, 17:4b 4. What was Pauls purpose in life? Colossians 1:28, 29 5. To what extent was he willing to suffer, in order to accomplish this goal? Acts 20:22-24 6. To what extent was he able to accomplish this goal? Romans 15:19; 2 Timothy 4:17 7. Because he had been faithful in accomplishing Gods purpose for his life, what could he look forward to? 2 Timothy 4:7, 8 8. What was Lucifers purpose in life? Isaiah 14:12-14 9. Was this purpose accomplished? Isaiah 14:12, 15 10.What did Ahab purpose to do with his life? 1 Kings 21:25 11.Is everyone committed either to a good purpose or a bad purpose in life? Justify your answer: B. Need for Unity of Purpose in Marriage: 1. If one who purposes to please God and to do His work marries one who purposes to do evil, or has no purpose, what will be the result? Mark 3:25 2. Will either be able to accomplish his goal fully? Why? 3. What feeling will each therefore have? (THINK!) 4. Could such a home possible picture the unity of God? 5. If a girl is not fully in accord with a fellows goal and purpose in life, should he even consider the possibility of marrying her? 6. If a girl cannot give herself fully to a fellows goal and purpose in life, should she even consider the possibility of marrying him? 7. If a fellow and a girl share the same purpose in life, what feeling will it give them as they work together toward this purpose? 8. NOTE: Such a home would constantly picture the unity of God to others. C. Relating Dating Activities Around Gods Purpose for Ones Life: 1. Do all dating activities normally engaged in by youth today help them to please God and to finish His work? 2. Do any actually displease God? 3. Could engaging in a certain activity actually hinder one from being effective in Gods service at a later time? 4. Therefore, if one is in earnest about his lifes purpose to please God and to finish His work, what must he determine about his dating activities? 5. After approval by your teacher, write this rule above to complete title line. QUESTIONS FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT: 1. What dating activities would be consistent with a lifes purpose to please God and to finish His work? Which ones would hinder such a purpose? How can I know if a planned activity pleases God? (Compare 2 Corinthians 3:17b, c; Isaiah 61:3d) 2. If people judged by my dating activities, what would they say was my lifes purpose? Do I need to make any changes in these activities, so that they will reflect my real purpose in life, and so that they will help me in carrying out this purpose, rather than hindering me from it? Am I willing to do this, in order to accomplish my lifes goal? Will this be easy? But will it be worth it? RULE #3 FOR SUCCESSFUL DATING If you have decided to date only Christians, and to engage only in dating activities that will reflect and further your lifes goal, you will still face the need for a third rule for successful dating. Discover this rule now: A. Another Purpose for Marriage: Read Ephesians 5:22, 33 1. What relationship is that between husband and wife intended to portray? Ephesians 5:23b-25, 29, 32 2. List, in the order in which you think they would usually occur, six steps that lead to the union of two as one flesh: 1 2 3 4 5 6 3. Does such a union have good or bad effects on those involved when it occurs after marriage? List some of these effects: 4. Notice that these effects are the same in Christs relationship to His church. B. Physical Relationships before Marriage: 1. One dictionary defines fornication as voluntary sexual intercourse of an unmarried person with another unmarried or married person of the opposite sex. Does the Bible approve of such an act? 1 Corinthians 6:13-20; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7 2. All who accept the Bible at all agree that unmarried people should not engage in sexual intercourse. But there is great disagreement even among earnest Christians as to how far a couple may rightly go, short of all the way. Search these verses, and list any dating practice toward which they could indicate disapproval: a. Matthew 5:27-29 b. Matthew 5:30 c. Proverbs 5:15-23 d. 1Thessalonians 4:5 e. 1Thessalonians 4:6 f. Luke 6:31 3. Notice that all of the steps listed in A-2 above are stimulation in preparation for the final act of intercourse. Is it easy once the first step has been taken to stop short of intercourse? 4. What is the effect on the parties involved, if they do stop just short of intercourse? How do they feel? 5. Does such a relationship picture properly that between Christ and His church? 6. Considering mans physical, emotional and psychological nature, at what point in the above process would it be easiest to draw the line? 7. Since Jesus calls the look of lust adultery, is it possible that preparation and satisfaction, stimulation and fulfillment, are one experience, indivisible in Gods mind? 8. Would this interpretation be consistent with mans physical, emotional and psychological nature? 9. If this interpretation is not true, should there not be some definite guideline in scripture stating exactly how far unmarried people may properly go in their physical relationships with each other? 10.Do you know of any such guidelines? 11.Regardless of whether you agree that God considers preparation and stimulation a part of the experience of intercourse, and regardless of where you think the line should be drawn in dating, what does scripture clearly teach that Christians will exercise if they allow the Holy Spirit to control them? Galatians 5:23b ASV 12. Therefore, what should be the third rule for successful dating? 13. After approval by your teacher, write this above to complete title line. QUESTIONS FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT: 1. Is it right for me to stir up appetites or arouse sensual desires which I cannot righteously satisfy at this stage in my friendships? 2. Do my dating practices indicate that I am controlled by Gods Holy Spirit? If not, what should I do? Will I? How soon? Galatians 5:22, 23 ASV RULE #4 FOR SUCCESSFUL DATING As one enters adolescence, his God-given urge for independence begins to develop. This often causes conflicts with those in authority over him both in his home, and in other relationships. See now what bearing such conflicts can have upon his marriage: A. Gods Order of Authority: 1. Whom has God set over children as His representatives, to carry out His will for those children? Ephesians 6:1 (Phillips) 2. What two things are children commanded to do concerning their parents? Ephesians 6:1, 2 3. In how many things are children to do this? Colossians 3:20 4. How often are they to do this? Proverbs 6:20, 21a, 22 5. How does a child learn the correct way of life? Proverbs 6:23b and THINK! 6. Is this true only if the childs parents are in proper spiritual condition? 7. What does the Bible call one who despises his fathers instruction? Proverbs 15:5a 8. Who has ordained all who are in authority? Romans 13:1 (Phillips) 9. Therefore, when one resists or opposes someone who is in authority, who is he actually resisting or opposing? Romans 13:2a, b 10. What is the inevitable result to such a person? Romans 13:2c B. Gods Purpose in His Order of Authority: 1. To what does God compare people? Malachi 3:17c 2. But are teen-agers polished completely as yet? (THINK!) 3. What common expression might be used to describe them? 4. What tools does God use to chip away the rough edges of each teen-ager? Proverbs 6:20 5. What is His eventual purpose for each of His jewels? 2 Corinthians 3:18 6. When a teenager reacts against one of the tools which God uses to work on him, against whom is he actually reacting? What two things does God say will happen to such young people? Proverbs 30:17 8. What two things does Gods working in ones life prove? Hebrews 12:6 9. Therefore, what two things must he be careful not to do? Hebrews 12:5 C. Essential Insights into Gods Order of Authority: 1. Must we obey those in authority only if they command our respect. Or try to understand us? 1 Peter 2:18-20 2. Even if they have personality deficiencies, what is God able to do? Psalm 76:10; Proverbs 16:7 3. What kind of attitudes does God use His order of authority to develop in us? (See Philippians 2:5-8; Luke 2:52) 4. How can these mature attitudes help us discern the basic intentions of those in authority over us? 5. If they intend to have us violate Scripture or our moral convictions, what must we do? Acts 4:19, 20 6. However, if this is not their basic intention, what must we learn to do? THINK! a. Daniel 1:12 b. Proverbs 21:1 QUESTIONS FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT: 1. When a young person has an unresolved conflict with his parents, what effect does this have on his marriage? How does a man tend to treat his wife? How does a wife tend to respond to her husband? How may each tend to keep house? When one violates Gods order of authority, what are the results to him/herself? Genesis 2:24 and Matthew 19:5. To his descendants? Numbers 14:18. In what other relationship must we follow Gods order of authority? Colossians 3:22-24 (Phillips). After approval by your teacher, what would be Rule #4 for successful dating? RULE #5 FOR SUCCESSFUL DATING When, through diligently following the first four rules for successful dating, you have discovered a person with whom you feel the living God intends to make you one, you will still need a fifth rule, if your marriage is to be a success. Discover this rule now: A. Wait until the Character of Each is Sufficiently Developed: 1. Keeping each rule stated thus far would require a character quality essential for marriage. Restate these: Rule #1: Rule #2: Rule #3: Rule #4: 2. Four other qualities are equally essential: a. How must each feel about himself? Psalm 139:14  b. What two things must each do concerning all things that nag his conscience? Genesis 50:17; Luke 19:8c, d c. What must each do concerning all who have offended him? Matthew 6:14, 15, 18:3; Mark 11:25 d. What should be the attitude of each toward finances: Should a couple marry if they have debts? Romans 13:8 Should they marry if there is any doubt that they will be able to pay all bills on time? Romans 13:8 Should they marry if the husband has not completed his basic training? Why? (See Luke 21:34; Matthew 13:22; Deuteronomy 24:5) 4) What is the very least a man should be able to provide for a woman before he marries her? Compare Ephesians 5:25 with John 14:2d, 3 5) Should a woman expect that her husband shall provide for her as soon as they are married, all that her father, after many years of labor, sacrifice and saving, was able to provide? 6) Who is basically responsible to provide the necessities of life for the family? 1 Timothy 5:8; Ephesians 5:25, 33 7) Under what conditions, and for how long, might the wife work? B. Wait until Each is Old Enough to Marry: 1. Are all ready for marriage at the same physical age? What other factors are necessary for maturity? 2. What do statistics prove concerning teen-age marriages? 3. What is the usual legal age for marriage without parents consent: For men? For women? Why? 4. How old was Isaac before he married? Genesis 25:20 At what age did Esau marry? Genesis 26:34 C. Wait for Genuine Love: 1. Why do some girls accept the first proposal of marriage they get? 2. What do many young people often mistake for true love? Name other components of true love: (Also, study each line of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Phillips) D. Wait to Know Each Other Well: 1. How long should couples know each other before they become engaged? 2. After engagement, how long should they wait to marry? Why? 3. Should an engagement ever be broken? Why? E. Wait Until Health Justifies Marriage: 1. Normally, should those in poor health marry? Why? 2. What diseases should always delay marriage until cured? 3. What three other health conditions should usually deter one from marriage? F. Wait for the Wholehearted Approval of All Parents: 1. When a couple marries, is it only the two individuals who are united? 2. What larger union also takes place? 3. If one family is not willing to have the prospective bride or groom as a member of their family, what will be the result to both the couple and their children? G. Wait for Clear Leading from God: 1. What is each persons part in receiving directions from God? Philippians 4:6 2. How does God indicate that something is His will? Philippians 4:7 3. Should one ever marry without this? QUESTIONS FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT: 1. Is marriage something to be entered into lightly, or quickly? Lamentations 3:24-40; Deuteronomy 23:21-23; Ecclesiastes 5:4-6 2. Of what must I be sure, before I plan to marry? REVIEW OF PREPARATION FOR BUILDING YOUR HOME As you come to the end of your study of this section, look back over the entire unit and try to get an overall picture of what you have studied: A. Gods Plan for Christian Homes: 1. What has God planned for most people to do after they are grown? Genesis 2:24; 1 Corinthians 7:2 2. But what is His plan for some? Jeremiah 16:1, 2 3. What can the unmarried do, that the married cannot, because of family responsibilities? 1 Corinthians 7:35d 4. Who determines whether you should be married or not? 1 Corinthians 7:7 5. Therefore, should the married look down on or pity the unmarried? Should the unmarried pity themselves? Why? Romans 12:2c _ 6. Who is the husband of the unmarried woman? Isaiah 54:5a 7. Who would also be the constant companion of the unmarried man? (THINK!) 8. Of what should every home, whether of the married or the unmarried, be a picture? Deuteronomy 11:18-21, 21d 9. Is it a girls responsibility to attract a fellow to marry her? (See Psalm 113:9 and THINK!) Whose responsibility is it? (See Matthew 1:18-24 and THINK! ) 10.Is it a fellows responsibility to win or persuade a girl to marry him? (See Psalm 68:6a and THINK!) Who will do this? Genesis 24:5-7, 57, 58 _ 11.What two things will God do for every couple He intends to marry each other? Genesis 2:18c, 22d 12.Therefore, what should be the attitude of each as he seeks to determine whether and whom God wants him to marry? (Proverbs 3:5, 6; Psalm 37:7) 13.What should be each fellows only concern in seeking one to marry? Genesis 24:14, 44 14.What should be each girls only concern in deciding whether to marry a certain fellow? Genesis 24:50, 51 B. Preparations of Home Life: 1. When does ones preparation for having his own home as an adult begin? 2. What is the one essential in preparing for a life of unity with others, either as a married or a single person? (THINK!) 3. Name the three agencies which usually play the greatest part in this preparation: 4. What is the one thing which all of these seek to do? Proverbs 22:6 5. What is the goal of this training? 2 Corinthians 3:18 6. Name four levels of friendship: 7. How do friendships and dating help prepare one for marriage? 8. What is one of the main lessons that childhood training, friendships and dating should teach a person? Philippians 2:4 C. Rules for Successful Dating: 1. List the five rules for successful dating discovered through this study: a. Rule #1: b. Rule #2: c. Rule #3: d. Rule #4: e. Rule #5: 2. On a separate sheet, list any other rules for dating you think you should have. QUESTIONS FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT: 1. What qualities are essential for building a unified home of ones own? 2. Have I been properly prepared to do my part in building my home? If not, what is lacking? How can this lack be remedied? What should I be praying each day? CHECK LIST FOR CHRISTIANS CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE When you think you have found the one whom God wants you to marry, check the following list to be sure. Use pencil, in case this is not the one, and you later want to use the list concerning another: A. Is This the Person God Wants Me to Marry? 1. Are we both Christians? 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 2. Is the character of each of us sufficiently developed, so that each has the following 8 essential qualities: a. Commitment to Christ: Self dedicated as living sacrifice to God being used by Him? (Romans 12:1, 2), b. Acceptance of Self: Thankful for the way God made him/her, especially for seeming defects (Psalm 139:14)? c. Harmony with Authority: Gladly obedient to those over him/her at home, school, job, etc. (Romans 13:1-4)? d. Clear Conscience: Asked forgiveness of all he's offended, made necessary restitution (Acts 24:16)? e. Spirit of Forgiveness: Forgiven all offenders, yielded rights to God, responds correctly to irritation? f. Moral Freedom: Self-disciplined: Thought life and moral behavior under God's control (Ephesians 5:22a, 23b)? g. Purpose in Life: Clearly defined goals, striving toward God's best for him/her (Romans 8:28, 29; Philippians 3:12-15)? h. Proper Principles of Finance: Possessions, time, money, earning power dedicated to God (1 Chronicles 29:14)? Diligent in work (Proverbs 13:4, etc.)? Wise in use of money (Luke 12:48; 1 Peter 4:10, etc.)? 3. Is the fellow the leader, especially in spiritual matters? Ephesians 5:23 4. Has God begun to work a real unity between us, so that we are one in a. Spirit: Are we able to share with each other fully and freely God's dealings with us concerning spiritual matters, such as salvation, surrender, dedication, service, sins, shortcomings, etc.? b. Soul: Intellect: Are we on the same general level mentally, so that each can respect and share the other's thoughts fully and freely? Emotions: Does each have a strong emotional response to the other? Will: Do we share a common purpose in life, so that each can put his whole heart and soul into the work to which God has called the fellow? c. And Body, potentially: Does each have a strong physical attraction to the other? 5. Does each complement the other, filling up the empty spaces in his/her life, and the deficiencies in his/her personality and character? (Opposites often attract!) B. Is This God's Time for Us to Marry? 1. Have we both committed ourselves to developing true love, according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (Phillips), a. Is slow to lose patience: Doesn't have a quick temper, becomes irritated, or angry, has fully accepted the other's character? (Proverbs 22:24) b. Looks for a way of being constructive: Of contributing to and improving the other's life? c. Is not possessive: Doesn't keep the other exclusively for itself, but shares him with others, and allows him to find fulfillment in them as well? d. Is neither anxious to impress: To create a false image for selfish reasons? e. or cherishes inflated ideas of its own importance Is not self-centered; does not allow or expect life to be centered around itself? f. Has good manners: Discretion; does the proper things at the proper times; shows respect for others. g. Does not pursue selfish advantage: Either in satisfying sexual appetites, or in concern for social status; but rather, is concerned for the other, and for the families involved. h. Is not touchy: Not overly sensitive; does not take offenses, etc., personally. i. Does not keep account of evil: Forgives fully and from the heart and then forgets; doesn't keep reviewing offenses and dwelling on them; destroys evidence of own and others' mistakes when possible. j. Or gloat over the wickedness of other people: Justify own evils by comparing self with others, using another's evil to excuse its own weakness; Doesn't say, "Everybody's doing it!" k. But on the contrary, is glad with all good men when truth prevails: Is occupied with spiritual goals. l. Knows no limit to its endurance: Able to live with others' inconsistencies; empathy for their problems. m. No fading of its hope: Has perfect peace and assurance that, as he trusts and obeys God, God will work out all the details of everything, in His own way, in His own time. n. No end to its trust: Never stops believing in the other person and his worth; doesn't doubt his integrity. This kind of love can outlast anything. o. It never fails. To the degree that each partner has this type of love, and the qualities listed above in Section A, to that extent, they can expect security and happiness in marriage. To the extent these are lacking, they may expect insecurity and unhappiness in marriage. 2. Are we old enough to marry? a. Mature enough in mind? b. Experienced enough to be able to handle the duties of marriage and home? 3. Do we know each other well enough? 4. Does our health justify marriage? 5. Are we financially able to marry? Can we establish our own home and not? Are all our debts paid? Can we be reasonably sure that we will be able to pay all our bills on time? 6. Do all of our parents approve wholeheartedly? 7. Have we both had clear leading from God that it is His will for us to marry? 8. Do we both have peace that now is His time? 9. Are we both ready to yield all our rights to each other? (See 1 Corinthians 7:4, 5) 10. Are we both convinced that we can serve God better married, than either of us could single? C. If So, In What WAY Should We Marry? What type of wedding would most glorify God (1 Corinthians 10:31), be in Jesus' name (Colossians 3:17), and give proper consideration to our various family members? Lifes Great Decisions: Building Your Home (Marriage & Dating)  PAGE 4  PAGE 1 Lifes Great Decisions: Building Your Home (Marriage & Dating) International Teachers Association l PMB 288, 5050 Laguna Blvd., Suite 112 l Elk Grove, CA 95758-4151 l USA 1-800-288-1427 l ITA HYPERLINK mailto:GoTeachAll@hotmail.com @GoTeach.org l  HYPERLINK http://www.GoTeach.org www.GoTeach.org l Written by Sarah O. Midyett 2000  HYPERLINK "http://www.BibleDiscoveries.org" www.BibleDiscoveries.org l Written by Sarah O. 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